Weekly Recap
Hi friends…since we last spoke
Few big things looming in the background which will be hopefully up and running for the start of the new year but until then enjoy this week’s mail! In a really good frame of mind as of writing. I would say the best in my life.
Simply from a culmination of lots of self-improvement work in 2023 but also a recent challenge where I was able to fully take ownership, stare down a few insecurities and weaknesses and implement change. It’s amazing how one thing can hold you back so much internally, even if you have so much going for you.
It’s scary to face the cave of insecurity, but inside the cave is the treasure we all seek.
The courage to wander through the darkness determines whether you will find the treasure.
2 Ideas from me
1. You change the past
I floated this idea across my Instagram on Wednesday.
We are caught up in the belief we can’t change the past, but we can.
How many limiting beliefs do we hold because of the way we view our past?
How much does our past define us? How big of a handbrake does the past hold on our life?
Learning to re-frame and re-write parts of our story can unlock the key to changing out future by letting go of the things holding us back.
This isn’t about denying our trauma and gaslighting ourselves but exploring what we believe our past actually means for us.
Identity change is very hard because it sits at the core of who we are.
“I’m not a morning person”
“I’m not good enough, that’s why I failed”
“I’ll never be able to do that”
Over time, we begin to filter our experiences with the world through this lens. There is an internal pressure to maintain order and our self-image by behaving in ways consistent with who we think we are. So we self-sabotage. It’s easier to throw in the towel before starting the fight.
It’s a protective mechanism to shield us against disappointment and failure. It’s also a cop-out and you will regret living life like this. It’s not easy to instantly switch so we need to bring awareness to it so we can see it for what it is.
Our identity is formed from our behaviours – which invariably have always happened in the past. So you have a choice in every moment to re-write your identity today by choosing a new set of habits and behaviours. This changes the past because that identity is no longer attached to us because of our past.
So you can go back and re-write some of those self-stories in two ways.
- Change the original story (change the emotions and self-story)
- Write a new story (with new habits)
The past can be changed through viewing the past differently in a more healthy and positive light to benefit us. It can also be changed by forging a new identity with new behaviours which strips the past’s hold on our future.
2. Circumstances are over-rated
We often chase better circumstances. More money, bigger house, bigger job titles, notable friends etc.
But the link between happiness and what we have levels off after accounting for basic needs. So what does this tell us? Circumstances are over-rated. Why chase more things when we can learn to value what we have more. Nurture the things in our lives. The perfect quote to summarise this:
“If you can’t be happy with a coffee, you won’t be happy with a yacht.”
– Naval
We are conditioned to chase more but we need to bring more awareness to the beautiful things in our lives.
1 Quote
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
James Clear, Atomic Habits
Re-reading this book for the first time in a year. The amount of gold that has drifted to the back of my brain since last reading. This makes me realise how important is so refresh your brain with the most important information considering this is easily a Top 5 All-Time Self-Growth book.
The meaning of this quote is simple. You become your process, not your dreams.
A lot of us want extraordinary results with an ordinary system. You are setting yourself up for failure.
You rise to the process because a good system holds you accountable to consistent growth. Whereas a goal is a fixed outcome that doesn’t achieve anything except provide guidance for the trajectory of our actions.
1% Tip
Plan exciting things in the future
Our brain is wired for anticipation. In fact, the anticipation of reward is often more enjoyable than the actual reward. Research proves this. Your personal experiences should prove this. We know that, so then let’s use it to our advantage.
i.e,
- Plan a trip for a years time
- Plan a catch-up for the weekend
For me, I’m learning to create exciting content to release in a few days/weeks time and it really keeps me motivated for the present because my brain is anticipating reward in the future so it helps focus on the present.
After all, I’m chasing something and if my brain knows there are good things coming then it can shift it’s attention away from trying to force good things in the now. Then, counterintuitively better things come from the present. More on this in a future week.
Pod Summary
#53 – Siahn Henry – what a great episode for anyone needing some inspiration to shift their mindset. Young but very mature and passionate about self-development. A great head on her shoulders.
#54 – Jet #7 – A Letter to Ourselves 10 Years Ago – Jack, Tom and myself wrote letters to our younger selves. Real, raw and honest. Great insights into what we have learnt on our own journeys about ourselves.