Weekly Recap
Hi friends…since we last spoke
*Just finished writing, it’s long but my best one by far. Enjoy and see you next week.
Things are going well. I’ve been journalling every morning and night which has been something I’m excited to continue doing. I’ll read a passage out occasionally from there if I find something cool I reflect on. Also Jack and I started Project 50.
50,000 push ups minimum in the year 2024. Daily push ups with Sundays to rest. Will keep you posted on how they go.
Jan 11 Morn:
“I’m beginning to realise that having inner peace is incredible. The weight off my shoulders is so freeing. I feel like I’m living a life I can fully immerse myself in. I’m so grateful, proud and happy for my progress”
Also, thought of an idea writing this. Every week I will answer a few questions from you guys, and because it’s all anonymous, you should have no fears. Everyone will benefit from this process. I’ll check them Friday morning next week before sending the email. We’ll see how it goes. You can’t lose.
Questions can be anything from about me to you and your life to to everyday things you want explained with my perspective.
E.g,
“How do you deal with criticism on your content?”
“I get so nervous going to _____, can you explain why and how I can overcome it?”
2 Ideas from me
1. “The known is actually more scarier than the unknown”.
The unknown is a perfect place for our minds to fantasise about who we could be and what our lives could entail. These outcomes aren’t guaranteed and this uncertainty is scary. But I think what we are truly afraid of is whether our current lives are all we are ever going to amount to. Who we are now is known and this scares us because we have truly larger goals and aspirations in mind.
2. “Stop trying to find out who you want to be and start trying to find out who you don’t want to be”
By inverting this search for our authentic self, we can narrow the search by eliminating versions of ourselves we don’t resonate with. This all starts by trying new things and getting perspective. But take the pressure off yourself with trying to magically find yourself.
1 Quote
“If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we believe others to be happier than they are.”
– Montesquieu
This is so powerful. I genuinely believe this for the majority of us. Our lives are filled with many opportunities to experience happiness but we choose to focus on what we don’t have. By shifting your attention to what you do have, you might easily be able to experience happiness. This is gratefulness. Not only this but social media creates this false illusion that people are so much happier than they truly are. Look at your own social media profile and think, does this truly reflect who I am and how I feel all the time? I know for me it doesn’t. Something to work on and with…
1% Tip
Ask the people who know them best.
Recently, I uncovered some truths about an important person in my life and it was only through communication with another person. This information has helped me understand things better and have more empathy. We often look at situations through own cognitive biases as alluded to in the quote above. So learning more about someone is fundamental to a relationship as it just creates a clearer picture of why someone is the way they are. It’s important. I shouldn’t have to sell this.
This isn’t about going behind someone’s back. Your intention is to find more information to become a better half in the relationship with this person. Ideally, you have this conversation with the person but also from my story there is no way it would have come up as some people don’t realise the impact of things that have happened to them.
So don’t be afraid to have a respectful conversation about someone to help make things more clear for you so that you can show up in the best way for yourself and them.
Pod Summary
#62 – Why we give into alcohol pressure and how to overcome it – In this ep, I explore some psychology and personal experience when it comes to the pressures we face with alcohol. A good listen for someone motivated to have a better relationship with alcohol but struggling to do so.
#63 – Nic Reid – former AFL eagles player, high school teacher. We discussed his mindset during footy, the impact of phones in modern classrooms and his overall life.
2 Ideas from me
1. Comfort Zones are so unique that doing uncomfortable things should be tailored to maximise your effort
It’s well understood that comfort zones are relative to the individual. Writing this newsletter to my 40 subscribers isn’t scary for me but it may be for you. I find snakes and deep waters uncomfortable, you might not.
The purpose of doing things outside your comfort zone is to expand it. To grow as an individual by proving to yourself those fears are often irrational and not serving you.
That was one of the main intentions for beginning my podcast. You’d think I’d be this very confident, outspoken guy to start a podcast. Not really, I just was smart enough to realise that the podcast would be the BEST opportunity to go outside my comfort zone and develop the confidence I lacked.
The takeaway is that reflecting on the things that make you uncomfortable and hand-selecting activities or commitments to grow them will be the best way to expand your comfort zone.
Expanding your comfort zone is a no-brainer. Life becomes better and more enjoyable because you spend more time in your comfort zone. Ironic hey.
Intentionally spending time outside your comfort zone is the best way to spend more time in your comfort zone and ultimately getting more out of life.
For most people, there are lots of small everyday things that scare them. Going to the shops, shirt-off at the beach, talking in public, talking to the opposite sex etc.
IF you have the courage to expose yourself to scenarios that challenge these fears, you will spend the rest of your life immersing yourself in them with love.
People often trick themselves believing they don’t like something simply because they fear it. Only when they remove this fear can the true joy and excitement come to fruition.
Ask – what am I scared of? How can I test this?
Believe – take the action, believe in the process
Receive – self-growth and a more enjoyable life
2. Comparison isn’t the thief of joy, expectations are.
How many of you reading this right now have fallen into the trap of not being able to fully enjoy an achievement or be proud of yourself because it still fell short of your expectations?
I’ve been guilty of this for most of my life. From achieving below my expectations in a test where I still received an A to a game of football where I didn’t kick as many goals as I’d hoped for.
The reality is that expectations can strip your sense of achievement. They can turn one of the biggest and best moments in your life from joy to a sense of relief. They can turn love to fear and achievement to missed opportunity.
The reason I believe comparison isn’t the thief of joy is because it actually stems from expectations. I’ve never heard it explained this way. You are stripped of joy when you compare because you expect to have what they have. It isn’t the comparison that is a problem, but your own mindset.
I believe comparison is very useful, it’s a guide. It can give us so much information to learn from. We demonise it so much because our ego can’t handle someone being smarter, stronger, richer or more successful than us. If you can learn to detach from this, comparison is useful.
Also, good luck trying to fight it, comparison is so engrained within us that you’ll lose this battle. So let’s work with it to have a better relationship to comparison.
Stop expecting to have one aspect of someone, you need to take everything that comes along with it. Every aspect of someone comes along with a price tag.
If you want my vocabulary and self-expression, you’ll also need to put the thousands of hours I’ve put into education and conversation to build it.
If I want your money and house, then I’d have to have sacrificed more time to secure a full-time job to save up. If you want something from someone, it’s all or nothing.
The problem is what? We only see the highlights. I may look at people with a secure job and certainty craving the money but they may look at me jealous of the opportunity and passion I get to pursue. They may not be happy, they might be. The reality is that you don’t know much from the surface. You won’t stop looking but just be more aware of what else may be associated with it.
Instead, change your expectations. Stop expecting to be able to pick and choose one aspect of someone. Stop expecting to have everything without putting the effort in.
Extraordinary results don’t come from ordinary effort, it comes from extraordinary effort over a long period of time.
Focussed and intentional effort that strives for consistency. Don’t expect it to happen overnight or you’ll have the joy taken away from you.
When you start expecting less and striving for more, it creates this incredible journey where everything feels like a reward. Instead of relief, it’s love and joy and being proud of yourself. Loving the journey and the process of continual self-improvement.
It’s not easy and I can’t do it justice in a weekly newsletter. I haven’t even mastered it yet. but I’m scratching the surface and it’s incredible.
1 Quote
“It’s all true”
– Pete (RecLab)
Back to back mentions for Pete. Caught up with him for a coffee and walk and this quote hit me.
Every time someone says something from their perspective, it’s true. Truth means reality and to them it’s their reality. So it is true. You were being rude or you did make a mistake. Because to them, this is their reality.
There is no such thing as one reality.
There is no agreed upon reality of anything. It’s all biased from one’s perspective. Philosophical but I believe it to be true. Yes, there are some agreed upon truths. Let me give a quick philosophy lesson.
Necessary Truths: These are truths that are true in all possible worlds.
For example, 1 + 1 = 2.
Contingent Truths: These are truths that are true in some possible worlds but not in others. They depend on specific conditions or circumstances and are often discovered through empirical observation. They are very subjective.
The life we experience in relation to others is a contingent truth. Not many things are fully agreed upon. A fight with your partner, your version is a contingent truth and so is theirs. It’s not a necessary truth. So stop arguing with them like you’re trying to prove 1 + 1 = 2. It’s not the same.
The point here is that we spend so much time trying to deny them their reality. I used to be one of the most guilty people for this.
“NO, how can you say that?”
“I know I’m right!”
“You’re so ____ *insert rude name*.”
So what’s the answer? The key is not to fight their reality but understanding each-others. Communication and honesty will transform relationships 1000x more than defensiveness, stubbornness and your ego fighting their reality. A relationship is built through mutual love and understanding, not trying to force one reality by sacrificing yourself in the process.
It’s not about having the right truth but understanding each-others so the relationship grows out of love and not from resentment.
Help them understand more about the situation from the perspective of you in their own head and vice versa.
When you do this, you’d be surprised how any mistakes you’ve made and vice versa. We aren’t perfect and that’s okay. But the way you deal with arguments will determine the course of the relationship.
By no means am I perfect, the reason I’m so good at understanding this is because most of it comes from blending my psychology & knowledge to my own failures. I will continue to fail, you will continue to fail.
But does your failure make your relationships 99% or 101%?
That is everything. That one question.
1% Tip
+ Yet: whenever you can’t do a certain task or execute a skill, make sure to add the simple word of YET to any limiting belief.
E.g
“I am not good enough”
-> “I am not good enough… Yet”
By adding this, we remove this glass ceiling. We accept we aren’t capable yet but allow ourselves the opportunity to be able to in the future. Words are important because we internalise this message of not being good enough as a core belief and it shapes our future decisions.
Pod Summary
#43: Taj Schofield: Delisted from Port Adelaide, back to starring at Subiaco.
Taj is a well-rounded bloke who gave great insight into his footy experiences. Expect to learn some important mindset tips. Must listen for all football players and followers.
#44: How to Openly Share Your Emotions – Jet #5
In this episode, we have a conversation about why we should share our emotions, why we shouldn’t always search for validation, a framework to be confident in sharing our emotions, ways to share our emotions and much much more.
Upcoming Eps:
In #45 I am joined by Courtney Sonnenburg, a musician and mental health support worker. From being homeless and going down a regrettable pathway, we explore what changed for her and the lessons she has learnt along the way into changing her life around for the better.