Recap
Heading towards the big 100 episodes in the next few weeks which is making me feel very grateful towards myself.
When I started the podcast, my internal promise was to do 100 episodes.
Fast forward 15 months. So much has changed and I can’t wait to share these lessons in a reflective episode 100.
Also, the studio is moving to my Dad’s wine cellar.
I used to dread change but embracing the positives in all situations turns it towards excitement and opportunity.
1 Learning
Research shows that the more people value happiness, the less happy they are in positive situations.
This stunned me. Wouldn’t valuing happiness make you prioritise happiness and ultimately be happier?
The reason is people who value happiness often feel disappointed at their feelings.
The research suggests that it is not because they are pursuing happiness but rather how they evaluate their progress towards happiness.
Simply, wanting to be happier is NOT the problem. The problem is the fixation on happiness as the outcome.
A pressure to “be happy”.
It also means they are less willing to accept negative emotions, which are a necessary part of being human.
Think about it.
If your biggest priority is to be happy and that’s all you’re focussing on, how difficult would it be to accept negative emotions?
The more you embrace all human emotions – high and low – the more able you are to appreciate the positive emotions.
You cannot selectively numb emotions. You cannot only have positive emotions.
Suppressing negative emotions in the pursuit of happiness will lead you in the wrong direction.
Wanting to be happier is a healthy goal.
However, setting out to maximise happiness can be counterproductive.
The research found that valuing happiness can lead to greater happiness if people are given the right tools to pursue it.
Or defined happiness in a better sense, more broadly than their present emotional state.
So my best advice is to find a process that works for you.
Focus on doing things that make you happy, not forcing every moment to be positive.
Finding acceptance and value in all emotions helps remove unnecessary pressure to find the thing you’re looking for.
1 Quote
“You can have anything you want. But not everything you want.”
― Fussell
We look to maximise happiness by mastering everything.
More time with friends, a higher paying job, more exercise, better sleep and all whilst managing a insurmountable list of life’s responsibilities.
I used to believe I could do it all. I couldn’t. I can’t.
You have to accept that sacrifice is the ingrained cost of choice.
The question remains: what are you willing to give up in order to prioritise something?
We have unlimited wants but limited resources – the main one being time.
So understand you can’t do it all. And that’s okay.
You can achieve a lot of things in your life. But not everything.
Personally, doing less but to a higher standard gives me more satisfaction.
More depth, more substance.
Once you realise this, you’ll understand that sometimes less is more.
1 Idea
Intention can change, actions cannot be undone.
Just start. For whatever reason. That’s the most important thing.
The self-development industry will encourage you to focus on yourself and prioritise ‘internal growth’.
I advocate for this as well but there’s a caveat: it doesn’t start that way.
They forget their own story. I don’t.
I’ve interviewed a lot of people and listened to hundreds of stories.
Nearly no one starts from a place of self-love and abundance.
It nearly always starts from a place of fear, insecurity and lack.
That is okay. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be doing it for the right reasons.
Your intentions will change over time
The purpose of your actions can and will change.
Most of us start going to the gym to look better by losing weight, gaining muscle and then receiving validation from others.
The gym quickly turns from externally driven to internally driven as they fall in love with the process of self-improvement.
The longer your journey plays out, the more the story becomes about you and the internal growth you’re experiencing.
So don’t feel bad for doing it for a superficial reason or because you are utterly scared of something.
Like Nike says, Just Do It.
The story you tell yourself as to why you do something can change, your actions won’t.
All your effort and action will be worthwhile.
Most of the time, you will be unaware of this until much further down the line.
Our actions are driven from our subconscious – often we start from a deep place of powerful negative emotions.
These negative emotions have a much higher activation energy which is important in starting out.
But it’s important to reflect on why we do something.
This can help facilitate the process of turning your intentions into internal ones.
This ensures you don’t fall into the cycle of external validation.
Often, this cycle is quickly cut through self-reflection and awareness.
Pod Summary
#94- Caitlin Berry – Ectopic pregnancy story, quitting her teaching job to zero enquiries in her business, women’s coaching plus her own bodybuilding experiences – great conversation around mindset and fulfilment plus all things to do with change
#95 – Corey Watts – How do I be a man in todays world? We talked about changing roles for men in society, how men can re-gain their identity through values and how men can better regulate and understand their emotions. Necessary listen for young men in this new world.
Thank-you for your support.
Egan